You are Loved

About 7 years ago, my last child was born.  This became a very difficult time in my personal life that spread to other areas of my life.  Looking back in time everything became a before Hyrum and after Hyrum.  Nothing was the same afterwards, including dealing with life, pain, and people.  Growing up in a house of 4 brothers and 2 sisters.  My sisters are both 6 years away from me.  One is that much older, the other that much younger.  So I really grew up with 4 brothers.  They truly had a huge impact on my life both good and bad.  Not to say that my sisters did not impact my life, for they did, but just in a much different way than my brothers.  Not until my teenage years did my sisters play any role in my life.  Up until that point it was all about my brothers.  I followed them around like a puppy dog looking for a bone.  But because of that I learned a few things to keep myself in their good graces...like no crying, no matter how bad it hurts!  Nothing kept me down (including a fractured leg) or from following after them. As for my teenage years, my brothers became my best friends. And they became my protectors (no one was allowed to pick on me, but them).  As for my sisters, my older sister left when I was 11 for college, she married one year later and moved away from home, hence the reason she was not apart of my growing up years. We have since been able to form a wonderful relationship and she has been a great support to me as an adult.  As for my younger sister, I thrived hard to form a relationship with her.  I can not tell you how many times I played "kid" games with her.  Mind you when I  was a 12 year old she was 6.  We had very little in common.  But as she grew I was finally able to do all the "girl" things with my baby sister.  

Back to my story, I blame my brothers for the fact that I do not like to cry.  This shows weakness!  After a very difficult pregnancy, we realized that life was not going to get better any time soon.  Our son was born with many problems (you can read about these in my other blog).  I was an emotional wreck.  But a few things that stand out as sun rays from heaven are this song and You raise me up both by sung by Josh Groban.  As I was driving to and from Primary Children's Hospital, I would turn on my CD player to listen to music and one of these songs would variably come on during that hour commute.  At one point I remember having this song come on and I did not want to listen to the song, so I changed the radio to an actual radio station from the CD player and wouldn't you know it, but this song would come on and I would know that my Heavenly Father was mindful of me and my trials.  Still to this day 7 years later, I tear up when I hear this song as I am reminded of some of the darkest days in my life to this day.